Gym Rat

If I told  you the gym wasn’t one of the most primal places I’ve been, you can call me a dirty whore. That’s what we call liars in this household. Let’s get this straight – the gym is a filthy jungle intermixed with humans, squalid humans, who sweat and grunt and gain muscle by moving shit around. That’s PRIMAL. They walk around, smelling like they just showered in pheromones. And let me be the third to tell you, not everyone’s pheromones smell good. I was just cycling the other day and I was sitting next to someone who was sweating cat piss. I might be just one of the few people that doesn’t thoroughly enjoy the smell of cat’s urine, but I digress. My biggest issue though, is that I feel every time I get up to go to a different machine there’s at least one pair of eyes watching me. I immediately come to the conclusion that I’m way too good to be here. So, I go home and order a pizza.

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