Gym Rat

If I told  you the gym wasn’t one of the most primal places I’ve been, you can call me a dirty whore. That’s what we call liars in this household. Let’s get this straight – the gym is a filthy jungle intermixed with humans, squalid humans, who sweat and grunt and gain muscle by moving shit around. […]

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Half You, Half Me

My car comes to a complete stop as I wait for the gaggle of children to waddle across the crosswalk. For a moment my mind slips back into a maternal mode. Since my lifestyle changes I have yet to think about hosting a parasite; I’m far too young and lack the empathy to care for […]

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Love Song

Oh God, not again. There’s a ruckus in my stomach. The love struck teenagers are blasting their damned music again. Its beat has no idea where it’s going or what it’s doing. The lyrics are probably about the several times the lead singer slathered his scrotum in peanut butter, so his dogs could lap it up. […]

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Positive Reflections

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think, “Holy fuck, I’m ugly as bird shit!”? Yeah, it’s a common occurrence if you’re white, but I’m right there with you. There’s a ray of sunshine highlighting the immense amount of hair on my legs. It’s not the blonde, barely visible hair either. It’s […]

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